Today is my first birthday without the three people that had always been there from the beginning: Anita, Sol, and Rachel. I woke up dreaming about Sol. In the dream I think we were meeting new caregivers, Sol was being humorous and good-natured, and we found one that was good. When I woke up, I could see him sitting and smiling as before, in health.
I remember right away it’s my birthday. I call forth the three of them. I miss them. I feel they all want me to have a good birthday this year. From and for Anita, I will buy a new rosebush or two. Rachel just encourages me to paint, and indulge my inner child. Splash in a bath, buy a frivolous thing, or new shoes. She is not picky about this . Sol is rock solid, provider. It doesn’t matter to him that I acquire any new thing. He just wants me to be stable. I feel they all still love me even if sometimes I am hard to understand. I ordered a new ring a few weeks ago at the Temescal Street fair, and Monday I will see it and get it sized. That is a present to myself.
I can have a nice birthday today even with some grief in my heart. I’m happy to be alive, with stability and love and possibility in my life. I also have grief, sadness, bitterness here and there. Even real fears, at the moment none these are not blocking me from living life or choosing action.
Today is going to be a good day. I’m happy for my able, physical body , for mind and growth, for my drive and desire to know, to connect. I started life with a happy generous spirit. I was a kinetic, happy, talkative child. I’m grateful for my inner creative spring which continually regenerates. When I doubt, I only have to look at what I have done, and remember “there is always more where that came from”.
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